I just... miss her. [His voice breaks a little bit before John pulls it back together. He lets a little more slip, though.] Mycroft's furious at me, as well. I told him I won't help him kill Stephen so we can put Sherlock back in a body that looks like his own. He's going insane. He's always been off where Sherlock's concerned, but not like this. I don't think.
You kind of have to make them yourself. You could ask around to see if anyone has the ingredients. Bucky, if you've talked to him, can probably tell you how to make one.
It wasn't just a death price, John, that lasts for a week or two at the maximum. This lasted years, both at home and here.
[Although he logically knows that this was likely one of Norfinbury's peculiarities and he'd just had the misfortune to be under a death price during it, years trapped behind Moriarty's eyes and witnessing the decline in his own mind is almost impossible to shake off.]
You need to find Mycroft and Mary, the three of you can take care of one another well enough, and ignore anything that I might say in the future.
Mary didn't remember who she was for years, Sherlock. That's just... it was the effect. It felt like years here and those dreams. I dreamed I don't make it in time. Culverton, he...
[John just lets that hang. Sherlock can connect the dots for himself.]
I need to find you. If you really think Moriarty might get control of you again, we need to be able to stop him.
[He wants to tell John in return what he saw, but it's still too raw and too frightening. Maybe he's more of a coward than he thought he was, a disappointing revelation. As ever, stress and fear make him crueller and sharper than he would be normally.]
How? You had no idea it was Moriarty who spoke to you before, you clearly can't tell the difference between us, so how would you know it was him to help stop him? I can't risk that, John.
[John is silent for a moment before he comes up with an answer.]
I wasn't expecting him to pretend to be you and have all of your memories. I know he can do that now. I'll be ready. And I'm not risking you spending the rest of your time here alone, Sherlock. You die every time I leave.
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