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[jumpthegun]

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[jumpthegun]

[There's a pause as John actually does consider that. Before his talk with Fiona a week ago, he would have dismissed it out of hand as not enough. He's been ashamed and despondent about his lack of ability to actually protect people. But he has protected them in his own way. In a doctor's way, not a soldier's. Perhaps that's the sticking point... that John wants it to be in the soldier's way and the doctor's way and this place can only allow him one.]

It's... hard. Not to want to do more. Fiona tells me I'm going to work and worry myself to death.

[bookofnope]

A wise woman. I can see why you'd want to impress her.

[He can't say how well his attempts at humour will be received this time, but he tries, on the off-chance that it might at least relax Watson somewhat. Yes, he knows these thoughts - could have, should have, must have done more. And he knows - thankfully from others' experience more than his own - that they are the sort that might get better, but never truly go away.]

You are who you are. If we can't convince you otherwise - if only doing more will satisfy you - then you'll have to come up with a less potentially suicidal way to do so.

[jumpthegun]

[At least he knows it is an attempt at humor this time. John purses his lips. He needs to turn this conversation back to Beckett.]

I'll work on it. In the meanwhile, I think I'm meant to give you a talking to? At least an 'I told you so?' What are we going to do about the blood, Beckett?

[bookofnope]

[Well that's a change of subject. Has he hit a nerve? Beckett concedes to filing the question away for later. When John mentions blood he can't suppress a faint swallow.]

"We"? You don't need to do anything. There's nothing you can do. I'm keeping in touch with people in the area to prevent further incidents. It's... getting better, bit by bit.

[jumpthegun]

I mean I can talk to the Admin to see if there's anything specifically that I can request. If she knows you're having real problems, she might be able to bend protocols like she did to get Charlie and Charles my supplies.

[bookofnope]

I'd assumed you've already done so and gotten nothing for it. She can't be unaware of the issue. Not now that people have lost body parts.

[jumpthegun]

I didn't want to do anything without your permission, Beckett. [That's another bone to pick at that hasn't really been addressed between them. He'll let it lie if the vampire doesn't comment on it, though.] And Angel's pointed out to other people that she might not be allowed to do anything unless there's been a request for assistance. If you'll allow it, I'll request that assistance.

[bookofnope]

[A faint sound of surprise, and then a long silence. Beckett was not expecting that. His permission? Maybe Clayton really had left him with a skewed perception of what human doctors are like.]

I... thank you. That is considerate. You have my permission, of course. Much as I'd like to say this is purely my business, clearly that's no longer the case.

[jumpthegun]

Mm.

[Well, he's glad they're both on the same page there.]

I'll let you know what she says, then. In the meanwhile, just try to keep away from people, I guess. Already tried asking her if she'd let me redirect MN scrubbers. No good there.