jumpthegun | IC Inbox (v1.0)

i...

[For more than the first time, she's glad she has to stick to text. There's a twinge of disbelief, a voice in the back of her mind pondering if they really can manage such an enormous task. She could only keep two people alive back home, and only by strict disobedience. How in the world could she manage trying to keep over fifty of them through this? The ones who had died already, the ones that had only recently slipped through their fingers, the ones that were currently in danger... they aren't even to the most dangerous part of their discoveries and she already feels like she's continued her failure. What was her purpose, then, if not to save someone's life in a moment so crucial?

But she isn't alone this time. Someone, someone, wants the same thing that she does, without knowing what she is or wanting to take advantage in return. It rips a sob from her throat, one that takes her a minute or so to get under control.

It is her fault, John. Not directly. But one more being taken by controllable means is one more directive she could not meet. One more reason for her to vanish again.

But he was still here, wanting to try. Speaking much wiser words. What excuse did she have?

...]

thank you

i'm sorry

i'm

it's

i know it logically wasn't my fault

i know

but it's

hard

i was nearby i could have tried but i

i dont want this to be what i remember from home

[This is what she remembers from home? Not being able to...

It cuts into him harder. She's been through this before, then. She's been blaming herself for this sort of thing before. It would be bad enough if this were the first time. But that pandemic, the one she'd wanted him to see if everyone had in the hospital. Still has. Because he's still here - there - both places. There's a delay as he tries to pull something coherent and comforting together.]

remember quark
Think of the people here who are your friends.
Remember what you could do
not what you couldn't

remember that you've got people here with you

I'm here with you, Luna.

it isn't home.
We'll make it different
okay?

there's a lot a doctor "can" do

but

what you actually do or... rather, what you don't

isnt that what haunts you the most?

[With Leon. With Sheena. With the mess that was Clayton, or Alphonse, or America, or the Joker. Even Quark. She'd let him escape, but she could have located the antiviral she knew was in the safe in another room. She could have saved him completely.

What kind of salvation was it to let the boy out into the world, only to kill himself once he finally woke up?

...

Rather abruptly, the feed is switched to audio. Luna's tone is hushed, due to her company, strained and tired with an exhausted wave of emotion. Every sentence is clear enough, but the words are labored, as though she's having to really struggle to put the language together properly.]

...I'm sorry, John.

I'll... I'll be okay. I want to try. To... keep trying.

...

Thank you. For... for talking to me.

Edited 2016-05-29 21:00 (UTC)

[Audio is actually easier for him, if marginally so. But he knows it isn't for her. He tries to be brief.]

I'm always here to listen. Anytime, Luna. No need to apologize.

[He closes his eyes so that he doesn't have to look at the patient who's reaching for him, trying to say something around the mass of bloody bandages.]

Just try to focus on the things-the things you made better. Nightmares still come, but you can keep going. I trust you, Luna. I'd trust you with my life. Think most people here would, too. Even after what's happened.

I... H-hold on.

[Her words are pained now - not in regards to anything he said, but almost as though she's dealing with a migrane or something else completely taking up all of her concentration. There's a long pause while she lets that last message be translated from voice to text. Thank you, tablet.

Only when she's parsed out all his words does she start to cry.

He trusted her. He knew next to nothing about her, he could want nothing to do with her, he could see her as a waste of a doctor. But here he was, trusting her.]

T-thank you... thank you so much...

[At least she's trying to get a hold of herself so that this doesn't become an England #2 scenario. But Watson will still get to hear the lovely hitching of breath that comes with someone breaking down into tears.]

[Oh, Luna. He wants desperately to do something more for her, to be able to provide more than just words. He wants to save her, to have saved her from what happened. Of course, he can't. Since arriving here, it's been a long string of not being able to help people who need it the most. In the end Rhys had been all but killed, Angel had been kidnapped, Kunsel and Zack had died, the people in the hospital are impossible for him to see or assist, and Luna has been faced with an impossible situation that she should have never been put in in the first place.

That's not really what she needs to hear right now, though.]

I wish I could do more. Stay with Quark. Keep each other safe as you can.

If I-if I can meet up with you, I will. Okay? Just stay safe until then.

[There's still the sounds of her sniffling against her palm, but she doesnt respond. At least, not vocally.]

id like to see you someday but

please dont go out of your way right now, okay

ill protect quark with everything I can. always.

he's very important to me.

Edited (whoops missing tags) 2016-06-04 03:10 (UTC)

[He switches back to text for her, even though it's harder.]

Protect yourself, too, luna
you're important.

We'll try
i have to meet up with someone else
we'll try after that.

okay. don't overwork yourself through all of this for our sake though ok? we'll both be alright.

i should go now. he's not sleeping well

thank you for letting me talk with you, john

i hope you can get some rest

you, too, Luna
Any time.

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