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[jumpthegun]

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cw: mention of suicide

[advanced]

[He doesn't exactly feel pity as the story is told, more an understanding and even a slight relief. Those thoughts were very specific, unlikely to be repeated. Perhaps he may think of the easy way out because of his leg, but he has to try and trust that he won't do anything.

Especially not now Sherlock is here.

Not with how he's speaking about the other man, such warmth and devotion. He understands that implicitly, far more than the suicidal thoughts.]

Then it's good he's here now, to be here for you again.

[He wonders how many people John has told that story to, and how many haven't understood what it was like to be pulled out of darkness by a friend. It prompts him to share again, something he hasn't really done since the casebook fiasco.]

I understand, that's what Steve did for me. Not exactly, but he wouldn't give up on me even when I was trying to kill him. He broke my programming, I'm still not really sure how.

[jumpthegun]

I just want to make sure I'm there for him. [He looks up at Bucky finally, listens as he shares his own story of a friend. John can't help a small smile that curls up his lips.]

You did tell me he was stubborn.

[advanced]

Yeah, that's why I know he'll be back. He never knew when to stay down.

[It's getting harder to believe that.]

And you can't be there for him unless you're alive, don't forget that.

[jumpthegun]

[The point is taken.]

Yeah, I know.

I'm sorry. What I said... it was poor taste. I'm really not going to do anything. I don't mean to worry you more than I have already.

[advanced]

Good, because if you died, that's three murders on my head.

[He's tired, irritated, and in pain, he didn't mean for that to slip out.]

[jumpthegun]

[John cringes slightly.]

I'll keep that in mind.

[And shut up now because he can hear the irritation in Bucky's voice and he doesn't want to distract the man or make him work harder to talk and carry him at the same time.]