jumpthegun | IC Inbox (v1.0)

That's not what I'm saying. I know Bucky is your friend. But when we first met, you were introduced to the Avengers through Natasha and me. Clint came later, and I-

I've been taking all of this pretty badly. You got more of it than a lot of people, because Bucky isn't the only one with problems he brought in with him. You scare me.

[He drops off there, turning to the easier answer for comfort.]

You really think this will help him?

I meant you caring about your friend, sir. [Jesus.] And yes. I think this will help. I don't know how long, but even temporary relief is preferable at this point.

I'm aware of why I scare you, by the way. If it makes you feel better, I don't much fancy being a work of fiction in other universes, either.

[There it is. He flinches on his side, but... it's not as bad as he thought. Oh.]

Right. [He might sound bewildered for a moment. Like he just took a punch but it didn't hurt as much as he expected it to.]

No, that's not it. I'm not worried about your notes- Look, I shouldn't have read them. I've got several hundred agents working under me who specialize in espionage and surveillance around the world. I shouldn't have done a lot of things, but that one was just part of the job description. I can't apologize for that. I didn't know you weren't working for someone dangerous.

But I'm sorry for the way I acted. You have every right to be mad and I knew you were going to be. I should have said something then, but honestly you are such a goddamn good man it was like meeting a friend all over again. And I don't think I can live with disappointing another friend like that. So I'm sorry for putting you through Hell. It wasn't fair to you.

[There's silence for a long few seconds. John hadn't actually been expecting a real apology here, let alone a compliment, so it's a bit of a blindside.]

Thank you. [Another moment.] That's... uh. I do forgive you. I haven't actually been angry at you for a while, Mr. Stark. Just annoyed now and again. I can't say I'm happy about you reading the private sections of my notes, but you're not the only one--Alfie did it and he straight out told me he wasn't apologizing for it. I know Sherlock would've done the same.

I panicked when all of that was happening, though, and I went and talked to Alfie and that didn't much help. I took that out on you and Ms. Romanov and I'm sorry for that, in turn.

[The pause is worrying. He doesn't know how Watson will react to Tony saying he won't apologize for reading his private files. John surprises him, though, with the answer to that.]

You have terrible friends.

[Alfie and Sherlock would do that? Well, that... says something, doesn't it? Tony shouldn't have blurted that out, but he's bad about that.]

Thank you. I mean, I figured you were conferring with Solomons for that fallout, but I appreciate hearing you say it. It feels less like you two are secretly trying to eliminate us based on an assumed name for some volunteer work.

I know.

[Which probably says something about John, himself. He sighs. Sherlock is his best friend and won't share around what he knows, which is probably the only reason he lets the other man get away with hacking his computer password and email, and reading through his private notes.]

Sherlock stole my birth certificate to find out my middle name when I wouldn't tell him. [Have a little dry humor, Tony. This probably sounds incredibly invasive and mildly disturbing to most people, but John's been somewhat tuned out to that.]

Definitely not planning to eliminate you, though. Never have been. Well, Alfie'd probably be happier if you lot weren't here, but that's him.

I'm sure he would be.

[Tony takes a moment before responding, letting what John said settle in his mind. He's being more careful now, taking in the words and actually listening instead of reacting on instinct alone. He does think the story about Sherlock seems invasive, but John doesn't sound angry. It must just be that level of trust between them. That's something Tony has a lot of trouble with.]

I had a friend that I grew up with. We'd fight a lot, but I always thought we were pretty close--We had a lot in common, both of us came from the same background and went to school together, so we understood each other a bit better than others.

A little while ago, I met him again. When he showed up, every mistake I'd ever made seemed to surface out of nowhere. Issues with my health, poor life choices that, well, I only had myself to blame for those, and a stack of other things that weren't even true. Every dirty secret that might drag Iron Man under was spread around to every journalist and smartass kid with a blog and a grudge against Tony Stark.

You were talking around us and I knew you were doing it. But I should have just said that. I guess I was worried about another run through the mud with people who didn't even know me.

[That's a rather horrifying and sudden bite of honesty from Tony, and it brings a lot more of what happened and how he'd reacted into sharp focus.]

I'm sorry that happened to you Mr. St- Tony. That's... more than any man should ever have to endure.

[John can see the headlines in his mind from The Daily Mail and others like it: "Rich Brook's Tell-All Expose," "Fake Detective Commits Suicide" and "London's Biggest Fraud Falls from Grace." But instead of a friend, it had been Sherlock's own brother, and the biggest piece of the story? That had been a lie.]

Alfie was the only person I was talking with. We kept it between the two of us because he keeps his mouth shut. It's part of why I trust him. But you don't know him, I get that. You don't really know me, either. No real reason to trust me, not after what you read in that casebook. [He sighs.]

Can we... start fresh, or something? Wipe part of the slate clean, at least.

I just- I know it doesn't excuse the way I acted. I just wanted you to know I haven't been in the best place. And that any stupid decisions I made because of my bad judgment are on me... I'm sorry for causing more problems for everyone.

When we were talking, I guess figuring that you and Alfie were working together, after what he first said to me- that just cemented the idea that you two were planning to expose something bad about us from the start. That we were in your way by existing. It hit a nerve.

[Possibly true of Alfie, but Tony still overreacted. He's just recently realized he can actually go back to being something of a hero here.]

I'd like to move forward on a better foot at least. I'm really not crazy. And I'm not trying to take over the town or anything ridiculous like that. I'm tired of fighting good people.

I never thought you were crazy. [Just kind of an asshole.] And I'm pretty sure you've been here long enough we'd have seen signs of your plans for world domination by now. Even Alfie would have to admit that.

All I'll say is that I know the damage slander can do to a man and everyone around him, sir. It was never my intention to offer up information for it or engage in it.

Just a jerk. [He's too familiar with the way people view him not to jump to the next worst thing.]

Maybe. I hope he doesn't think we're here just to ruin all his personal plans. Based on his first conversation with me, the whole authority thing probably didn't endear him to us.

[He sighs deeply.]

You don't have to tell me anything. I haven't earned it, and I did suspect you of trying to build up a scandal. I wish I could say I was better than that, but I don't think I am. Instead, I'm going to try to give you more of the trust you deserve. I hope that can be our fresh start.

Well, yeah. My best friend should have 'insufferable cock' tattooed across his forehead, though. So, take that as you will. [It's not exactly a deal-breaker for John.

He'll also leave the rest of that to lie if Tony's not asking. John's trying to give a little more trust on his end, too, but he's not going to go overboard during their first talk.]

[Tony smiles a little, tentatively but gently.]

But he's still your friend. Yeah, mine... was too. I think that maybe you've got some bad taste, Doctor, but that's just who you are. Maybe you're one of the better aspects in their lives.

[There's a deeper story, he knows, but it obviously bothers John to talk about it. And Tony's gesture hadn't been made with a trade in mind. He didn't do it to dig into his life.]

Maybe we should just say that we've both had reasons to doubt people? And you sound like an Avenger now. Been talking to Clint lately?

I don't think Sherlock's like your friend, Tony. He's never pretended to be anything other than who he is with me. It's part of the reason I like him. Well, I mean, he lies to me. But I know he's a liar and an invasive prick and all the other things. And really, I'm sure the invasive prick thing just runs in the family, if his brother's anything to go by. Honestly, that's probably why I like Alfie, as well. They're frustrating people, but at least I know what I'm dealing with straight out, yeah?

[He can't help the small flutter of pride at being told he's talking like an Avenger, whatever that means.]

Anyway, I suppose we both have got reasons. [He'll leave that at that.] And I have been talking to Clint. Not sure he'd really agree with me sounding like an Avenger. Had a bit of a tiff. He's a stubborn arse when he wants to be, isn't he?

I didn't mean that. I just- meant that he was a friend. Whatever he did or pretended to be. He was still my friend.

[And it took Ty confronting him to his face for Tony to take action against him. He knew it was all his old friend's game because of the convenient timing, but he didn't want to believe it.]

Clint has a lot on his mind. And he can be as stubborn as the best of us when he digs his heels in. I've had plenty of fights with the man. But that's probably part of our nature. We encounter a fight and tend to have a hard time letting go of it.

So I'd say that proves you sound like an Avenger, John. Doctor.

[John huffs a laugh.]

Not sure how much of a compliment that is now, but I s'pose I'll take it as one. Thank you.

Good, because it is one.

[Tony's voice becomes more serious. When the Avengers are involved, the jokes are tempered with his sincere dedication to those important men and women.]

We're all human. We try to make things work, impossible things sometimes, and we manage because we're just that stubborn, I guess. We believe we can make it work. We shape reality.

But we don't always see eye-to-eye, and you have way of making your opinions known even without the explanation. Stubborn, maybe a little hard-headed when you really find something you stand by, and just a little judgmental about the things that rub you the wrong way. But you're loyal to a fault. Like Clint. I'm not surprised you knocked heads with him.

[And why he knocks heads with Tony, no doubt.]

Mm... He's just being an idiot about taking medication. [What was that about judgmental?]

[Everyone knocks heads with Tony. It's his natural superpower.]

Mhm. He's... being stubborn? Sticking to his beliefs and putting himself at risk because he wants to help others over saving himself?

Sounds familiar somehow.

[There's a long pause.]

I am not as bad as he is.

You know that if he heard you say that, he'd say that you're worse. And you do put yourself at risk for others, even if they don't ask you to.

This is entirely different. He's sacrificing himself for no reason. Not a sensible one. All he wants to do is punish himself for what happened the other night. I've- [He'd been about to say 'I've been there, but manages to break and re-direct.] -seen that before. Never ends well.

Edited 2016-12-13 03:45 (UTC)

Why do you say that, Doctor?

Just listen to him talk. He's guilty as hell over whatever took over our heads. And he's refusing something because he wants to make himself suffer.

[Watson is very much like Clint. He can picture Clint railing at him for the same sort of thing from anyone else. And he can imagine Watson putting himself on the line to spare others too.]

You can't blame him for feeling bad. What happened to us goes against everything we stand for. Hurting innocent people, hurting friends, it makes you wonder if it isn't just that you lost control, but that you might not have had it to begin with. Maybe you're not as good as you try to be.

It's a hard thing to recover from.

Re: audio

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: mentions of suicide

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject