[He waits as patiently as he can, though it's not that patiently, finger tapping on the screen to make a quiet rhythmic thudding noise through the microphone. He tries so hard to keep a level and calm voice, but it doesn't exactly work.]
One of the men who arrived this morning, user name of snowpiercer, I know him. His name is Alexander Pierce, he's one of the heads of HYDRA and my most-- the Soldier's most recent handler.
Bucky, we need to do this transfusion. It will put you in a better mindset to be able to handle Pierce. He can use your paranoia against you. He's physically isolated right now, and he's keeping his head low. We need to use this small window to get you settled before we deal with him.
[There's a very long pause before he grunts an affirmative. He do any want to waste the time but he can see the wisdom in this. He already lost his cool once, he needs to be top of his game from now on.]
Fine.
I need you to do something for me in return.
[Because apparently travelling out of his way and performing a blood transfusion isn't enough.]
[He's going to lay a lot on John's shoulders now, things he doesn't really want to entrust to anyone else, but he doesn't have a choice. Pierce is never going to submit to his questions, but an innocent doctor...?
And he can trust John, probably, maybe-- At least John hasn't asked if Bucky is certain this isn't all in his head, like it was with Charlie.]
I need you to talk to him by tomorrow, see if you can get any clue to his location. Don't push too hard, if he won't give it then drop it, don't let him suspect you.
He's downtown. We've already spoken about his general location, but I can try to get something more specific. I did advise him to stop at the grocery store, then head up to the residential areas through the ice tunnels.
[John sends over a transcript of his conversation with Pierce.]
Sorry, I had something I had to deal with when we got to shelter, and getting Mr. Pierce around to what I wanted was a bit tricky. Building #127 of House's map a few days from now. He'll be in or around there.
[He reads through the whole thing twice, incredibly grateful to John for putting himself on the line like this. There is one thing that sticks out as important alongside the location, though.]
As much as he can be. Alfie thinks I should kill him, too. And Sheena, I think. Want to remind me why cold-blooded murder is bad? I'm rather needing it.
[He's not even being facetious. A voice not telling him that it would be better to just do it would help a lot right now.]
[Oh no, he's not so sure he's the best man for giving this sort of advice. There's a long pause as he considers what to say.]
It all comes down to your conscience and your choice. A soldier kills because it's in defence of his country and it has to be done, a good man might kill in defence of his friends or family if their lives are in danger because it's the only option. But to kill in cold blood is something different.
If you kill him then it's for nothing else than your own rage. It won't bring Fiona back, it won't stop the Joker returning, it won't keep anyone safe.
I think you're a better man than that, John, one of the heroes. But I won't tell you not to, and they shouldn't tell you to, it's your choice. You're the one that will have to live with the consequences either way, not us.
[One of the heroes. John imagines Alfie hearing that and scoffing, pointing a finger and telling him he's just like the Avengers, just like Tony and Nat and Steve. That he's just the man who let Royce get murdered by playing hero, and then lets a mass murderer get off scot free because he's also playing hero. How many times has John fantasized about this very opportunity?]
Who you are in the dark.
Have you heard of the concept? It's a mental exercise. What would you do if you knew you could get away with it, no consequences? Don't suppose there would really be any here. Most people would probably rather risk the revival for the chance to kill the Joker permanently.
I told you I committed murder before. But I waited until Sherlock was about to die. I waited to give them a chance to end it without that. I don't regret it, but he was about to kill my friend.
[Or get his moronic friend to take a poisoned pill to prove how clever he was. Close enough.]
I told Alfie I couldn't, just like Pierce. He's pissed off at me. Said I'm just doing it for my own conscience and whoever the Joker hurt's next is on me. I know he's right. I want to kill the bastard, but it's not right. It's just not the right thing to do.
[He's not heard of that exercise before, but it hardly matters because it's explained to him right away. Who would he be in the dark? Possibly not a question he wants to ask himself, he knows he's not a hero. It doesn't matter, this is about John and his choices.
Bucky tries to think of what Steve would say, probably something about all actions having consequences and just having to learn to live with the ones that come with whatever you do. He doesn't know. He's not Steve, so John will just have to deal with his own, not quite as good, advice.]
Alfie is wrong.
Whatever the Joker does, it's on him. We are all our own choices now, and you can't take responsibility for what he does. If you killed him and he revived, he might go on to hurt more people out of anger or retaliation. You don't know, and it's pointless guessing.
You have to do what you think is right, and you've already told me that you don't think this is.
You're not a murderer, don't let yourself be pushed into becoming one.
[John doesn't think Alfie is wrong; he'll feel guilty and incredibly responsible any way about it. But there's some comfort in Bucky's words.]
I'm trying not to be. [But this place is wearing him through.] I just going to try to hold onto him for now. We'll have to figure out what to actually do with him once we're finished with the transfusion.
[He promised to go back to the Avengers, a promise he's already going to break because of Pierce, and he needs to get moving to intercept his old handler. He can't afford the time to offer to help John out with the Joker.]
Sorry I can't help you hold him. I have to get to Pierce.
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[They're searching one of the houses, and he finds an empty room and shuts the door. When he speaks again, his voice is quiet, but urgent.]
I'm alone and you have my word. What is it?
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One of the men who arrived this morning, user name of snowpiercer, I know him. His name is Alexander Pierce, he's one of the heads of HYDRA and my most-- the Soldier's most recent handler.
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[Okay. That's not good. That's very not good.]
Can he do anything to you? Remotely, I mean.
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[No point sugar coating it, that's why he's calling.]
He can trigger the Soldier, that's why I'm telling you. Someone needs to know in case the worst happens.
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All right. Have you spoken directly with him, yet? He'll know you're here because of the Guide.
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[He's being as brusque as he was when they first met, but he can't help himself, this whole situation has knocked his feet right out from under him.]
I have to find him as soon as possible, I can't allow him to run free here and people can't be warned about him.
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Fine.
I need you to do something for me in return.
[Because apparently travelling out of his way and performing a blood transfusion isn't enough.]
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[Luckily, John is in a giving mood.]
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And he can trust John, probably, maybe-- At least John hasn't asked if Bucky is certain this isn't all in his head, like it was with Charlie.]
I need you to talk to him by tomorrow, see if you can get any clue to his location. Don't push too hard, if he won't give it then drop it, don't let him suspect you.
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Thank you. If you can get anything more, do. If you can't safely, then don't.
[He's really not in the mood to chat, words still terse even now, and so with his requests asked and warnings given, he hangs up.]
A few hours later
Sorry, I had something I had to deal with when we got to shelter, and getting Mr. Pierce around to what I wanted was a bit tricky. Building #127 of House's map a few days from now. He'll be in or around there.
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You're with the Joker?
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[He's not even being facetious. A voice not telling him that it would be better to just do it would help a lot right now.]
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It all comes down to your conscience and your choice. A soldier kills because it's in defence of his country and it has to be done, a good man might kill in defence of his friends or family if their lives are in danger because it's the only option. But to kill in cold blood is something different.
If you kill him then it's for nothing else than your own rage. It won't bring Fiona back, it won't stop the Joker returning, it won't keep anyone safe.
I think you're a better man than that, John, one of the heroes. But I won't tell you not to, and they shouldn't tell you to, it's your choice. You're the one that will have to live with the consequences either way, not us.
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Who you are in the dark.
Have you heard of the concept? It's a mental exercise. What would you do if you knew you could get away with it, no consequences? Don't suppose there would really be any here. Most people would probably rather risk the revival for the chance to kill the Joker permanently.
I told you I committed murder before. But I waited until Sherlock was about to die. I waited to give them a chance to end it without that. I don't regret it, but he was about to kill my friend.
[Or get his moronic friend to take a poisoned pill to prove how clever he was. Close enough.]
I told Alfie I couldn't, just like Pierce. He's pissed off at me. Said I'm just doing it for my own conscience and whoever the Joker hurt's next is on me. I know he's right. I want to kill the bastard, but it's not right. It's just not the right thing to do.
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Bucky tries to think of what Steve would say, probably something about all actions having consequences and just having to learn to live with the ones that come with whatever you do. He doesn't know. He's not Steve, so John will just have to deal with his own, not quite as good, advice.]
Alfie is wrong.
Whatever the Joker does, it's on him. We are all our own choices now, and you can't take responsibility for what he does. If you killed him and he revived, he might go on to hurt more people out of anger or retaliation. You don't know, and it's pointless guessing.
You have to do what you think is right, and you've already told me that you don't think this is.
You're not a murderer, don't let yourself be pushed into becoming one.
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I'm trying not to be. [But this place is wearing him through.] I just going to try to hold onto him for now. We'll have to figure out what to actually do with him once we're finished with the transfusion.
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Sorry I can't help you hold him. I have to get to Pierce.
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[And look at that, it's John who politely ends the conversation. Take note, Bucky.]