jumpthegun | IC Inbox (v1.0)

[That's expected, of course. He takes a breath, also double-checking the privacy filters, then triple-checking them.]

I've committed murder.

There was a man - a very bad man - who was picking people up in his cab, driving them places, and forcing them to play a game they couldn't win and swallow poisoned pills. He kidnapped my best mate, I tracked them down, but was in the building across from them. He was about to make my friend swallow one of those pills, the police were late. So, I shot him.

[From a building away, through two windows, with a handgun, at night, with Sherlock partly blocking the man, he doesn't add. He's already told Bucky he could fill in for the snipers.]

I was never caught. I was never questioned. I left as soon as that man was down and I could see my mate was going to be all right. It's illegal to have a semi-automatic weapon in my country, even with a certificate, but I kept my service pistol and no one knew about it.

[That's a big secret.

Maybe not for anyone here, though there might be some people shocked to discover the doctor was a murderer, but for if they get home. Bucky could have Watson arrested, charged, and jailed for potentially the rest of his life.

Not that he isn't facing the same if any of the world authorities catch up with him.]

I think you did the right thing.

[To save a friend from another murderer, he would have made the same call. Though potentially not the same shot, as he is not the sniper Watson is.]

I won't tell anyone, thank you for trusting me.

[Deep breath. He can do this. Not every detail, just an outline. It's easier over the tablet, at least. The text doesn't convey how much his hands are shaking, or the cracked expression on his face.]

I was taken to the Soviets following the end of the war and programmed to be a weapon for HYDRA. For 70 years I was kept on ice when I wasn't needed, woken, wiped, programmed, and sent to kill. I am one of the best assassins in the world; HYDRA's asset, the Winter Soldier.

[It's a bare bones explanation, but he doesn't feel like going into the torture, the training, and the brainwashing. The basics are enough, factual and not emotional.]

Two years ago I was sent to kill a man called Steve Rogers. You probably know him, he's here. He recognised me, I didn't recognise him or the name he called me. I started remembering pieces and eventually ran.

I'm wanted by the world governments for my crimes and HYDRA to return to being an asset. I still don't have all the pieces of who I am, but I know I don't want to be that any more. That doesn't change that what HYDRA put inside me is still there.

Edited 2016-06-26 20:33 (UTC)

I know I did the right thing. Taking a life is difficult, but I don't regret it. Sometimes, that's what needs to be done to protect people.

[There are other moments in his life that weigh far more heavily on his mind than that one. He reads through the rest of Bucky's message and takes a little while composing a reply.]

Your secret's safe with me, as well. Thank you. Is the name you still go by Bucky? I saw when Captain Rogers woke up, one of the messages was to someone with that name that he seemed to know. I thought it was only Ms. Carter here.

[It's a little bit of lying, but it should smooth things over.]

I can call you whatever you'd like when we're talking like this. I'll just use your network username otherwise.

And do you know if what HYDRA put inside you is something physical along with what they did to your head?

[Would one be difficult enough on its own. Mental and physical is going to be even more difficult to deal with.]

No. Not Bucky. Call me Jay.

[He is Bucky, but it would be stupid to go by that here. A direct target for anyone looking for him, Steve included. Jay would do, it was what people had called him from his first username and passed as a possible actual name.]

There's nothing physical in me. All I have from them is a prosthetic arm, but it's just an arm.

I appreciate you want to help, but you have to see now that it's better if I just have a way to control it. I can't avoid people here as well as I could back home, I don't want to hurt anyone else.

All right, Jay. You can call me John. Put in a request for more meds. Honestly, I'm not sure what the situation is going to be with the Admin after everything we just went though, but I'll let you know if she messages me back.

I think it's important to control this, but you can be strong enough to do without, Jay. When you attacked the others, that was right around when those dreams were? All of are heads were in a bad place. I can't condone you killing someone, but the fact they haven't said anything about it tells me a lot about how the people you killed view things.

If you even just want someone to listen to something or bounce an idea off of for something you're investigating, consider me available. And I'll see to your medication, but I'll ask this each time: a secret and meds for a secret. And I'll always go first with telling.

[Everything Watson has said and done has been comforting in its straightforwardness. He has probed, but he did it openly and he allowed probing in return. He wasn't overly pitying or sympathetic, and he didn't condone what had been done without blaming him either.

Surprisingly, Bucky finds himself starting to trust. Only starting to, but it does push him to make an offer of his own.]

Thank you. You can contact me if you need to as well. Any time.

[And with that, he hangs up.]

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