jumpthegun | IC Inbox (v1.0)

[He doesn't even think to argue, for once.

The video clicks on to show that Sherlock has come to a dead stop in the middle of the snow. His face, what's visible of it above his scarf, is stained with tears already. The image is shaking like mad because his hands are trembling so badly.]

John, my mind-- they took my mind! No-- No, nobody can take my mind, I just have to think harder. Give me another phrase, do it. Do it again.

[John feels tears pricking at his own eye. The only other time he's seen Sherlock this emotional bad been... well. The hound and the fall. And when they'd met up the first time. His heart goes out to his best friend, knowing how horrifying this must be for him. Sherlock's mind is the thing he cherishes most. John wishes he could be there now. Video is as close as it gets, and he's going to have to hope Alfie and the rest are asleep because this is a bit loud.]

The Fall of the Reichenbach.

[John watches Sherlock closely on the video, trying to look for any signs the memory is disappearing.]

[Good.

A strong phrase, a pivotal memory, though the flash of recognition in his eyes is wary. Why would John pick that in particular? No. No, it doesn't matter right now, all that matters is recalling the phrase for thirty seconds.

He closes his eyes, and John will just get a shaking view of Sherlock's lips moving silently, repeating the phrase over and over. For about ten seconds. Then everything begins to change in small and subtle ways. The words he forms are just The Fall after that, then just Fall, then nothing. His lips tremble, but his tears dry up.

By about twenty five seconds the video feed has stopped shaking and he opens his eyes himself, looking genuinely surprised to see John on the other end of the video.]

Your eye looks red, is it infected?

Oh, Sherlock... [John pinches the bridge of his nose before wiping a few stray tears from his eye.] Have you got a pen? Anything to write with? I want you to write on your hand or anywhere that you'll see it easily--paint it on the edge of your bloody tablet if you have to:

'Read the full conversation before replying.'

You're gonna be flipping out for the next however long this lasts if you don't.

Edited 2016-12-27 22:33 (UTC)

What are you talking about?

[He's starting to look a little irritated now.]

Are you crying? [He tuts. Crying means someone close to him, not Sherlock. Means Barnes or Solomons, two people he's made sure he's aware of. Likely the latter, the former seems to have gone off grid.] If he doesn't respect you now, he never will. Move on.

What? [John pulls up short because he has no idea what leap of logic Sherlock just made there or who he's even talking about.]

Solomons, you've had an argument with him.

[This is what they've been talking about all along, isn't it?]

It's obvious.

That's not... how the hell do you know anything about that? It's not obvious to most-

Never mind.

This isn't about Alfie, Sherlock. It's about you. And the fact your death price is turning into that bloody blue fish from "Finding Nemo."

[He doesn't have a death price. It's a valuable piece of information, it makes the experiment not a total loss, that the eye application could at least stave off that much. He rolls his eyes, it's obvious he thinks John is just trying to deflect.]

You must have argued recently.

[His voice turns more musing, working things out bit by bit.]

Unlikely to be over food or other supplies. Either he has done something you consider reprehensible, or you have done something he considers so. You will bend on most things, it's a habit left over from childhood to placate a situation and try to, fruitlessly, appease everyone around you. So it's something even you won't bend on. He has killed someone-- No, that makes no sense, he isn't a senseless murderer. Gang leader, perhaps; psychopath, no. There aren't many people here deserving of being killed so--

[Of course, it's been staring him in the face. Hadn't they just had the Joker in their custody? The one person most people want to see gone, and someone both Alfie and John have a hatred for thanks to the woman dead before he got here. Finley, or something like that.]

He wanted you to kill the Joker. Revenge killings aren't really your style, John.

You're making a good argument for them at the moment, Sherlock. [John grits his teeth. The fact that Sherlock can cut straight to the heart of things is amazing, per usual. But God that's not the thing to focus on right-]

I'm dealing with it. I don't need you to weigh in on how I deal with my friends. Thanks. And I'm not... I've already told him what I won't do. That's still not what this is about.

Former friend. You're obviously not dealing with it.

[He's got the bit between his teeth now, he's not letting go yet.]

Slumped shoulders, defensive posture, obvious preoccupation with an unresolved feeling of guilt.

Did it ever occur to you that I've got a lot of unresolved guilt about you? [Now that is proper deflection.]

About me?

[Now that is a successful deflection. And clearly the answer is no.]

I left and you committed suicide back home. I left and you committed suicide here. I'm beginning to see a pattern. You told me to stay with you after the murder night, Sherlock. I didn't, and... you died.

Edited 2016-12-28 00:34 (UTC)

[His eyes widen and something akin to guilt flashes across his face. He's hurt John again, something he apologised for at the wedding and intended not to do again. He's trapped he can't confess that he's not truly dead, and so he just looks shamed.

His voice is hesitant and softer than usual. He's not good at heartfelt moments.]

None of my actions can be laid at your feet, John. You have never done me any wrong, and I have consistently wronged you. [A beat.] I am sorry.

[John closes his eye and shakes his head for a moment.]

You're not gonna remember this in 20 seconds, Sherlock. We need to talk about this, but not like this. Sylar told me in the books it's all a fake, anyway. The first one. God, I wish it were true.

Just... just get to shelter. I'll call you back and ask where you are later if you don't think to call me first.

Edited 2016-12-28 15:49 (UTC)

[He wants so much to tell John that his wishes were true, but he cannot. It's a risk he simply cannot take, for so many reasons. He will remember to have words with Gabriel, the man has become too dangerous.]

I'm sorry, John.

[It sounds as if he's apologising for it being true, for jumping, and he won't correct that assumption.]

I will speak to you later tonight.

[He hesitates a moment and then hangs up. Within two minutes he's completely forgotten he spoke to John at all, and he definitely won't remember to call that night.]

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