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[jumpthegun]

You've reached Dr. John Watson. Please leave a message.

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[jumpthegun]

You realize that procedure will probably kill you. You don't care about dying.

[Why wouldn't he care?

Because it's not real. This isn't the real place. Someone can't survive with a giant metal screw like that. Well, they can, but not something they installed themself. Does it matter if he helps? He hates this man.

John, Mary says, expression concerned, talk to someone else about this.]

He's not real.

[Are you sure?]

[circumsutus]

I have frostbite on my brain. I don't know how much it's impacted me, but I can't put pieces together enough to come up with solutions for puzzles or problems. I've had at least one seizure.

Not removing the implant will kill me, and if I remove it the Admin might not put it back.

This is not something I'm taking lightly.

[jumpthegun]

I will only assist you on one condition.

[John. Stop. Mary moves closer. John, look at me. This is going to kill him. You'll never forgive yourself.

John looks away from her.]

I've got a lot of things I can't forgive myself for. It doesn't matter. None of this is real.

You have to ask the Admin to remove your violent impulses using what means she has. You'll do it before we start the procedure.

[circumsutus]

I'll wait until after the procedure. Whatever the Admin is going to do, it will be more effective once I'm healed.

[jumpthegun]

How do I know you'll follow through?

[There's a part of him that also hopes Stein would be disinclined to carry out the screw removal once no longer violently insane.

Clever boy, Mary praises with a small smirk.]

[circumsutus]

You don't. But I need help, and if that's what I need to do to get help, that's what I'll do.

[jumpthegun]

[This is a bad idea. You can't trust him.]

I can't trust anything. At least this gets the procedure done.

[First do no harm.

John's mouth twists.

You don't have to do this.]

Ask someone else first. You need to ask at least three other people. If none of them will help you, I will, provided you contact the Admin to tell her to do the procedure if and when you wake up after.

[This is wrong.]

This isn't real.

[John...]

[circumsutus]

Who do you recommend? It needs to be someone trustworthy and capable.

[jumpthegun]

[If he's not real, who else isn't real? It's a zero-sum game if fake people hurt each other. There's Bucky, but he's not someone most people trust.]

I don't know the people you trust. It's pointless for me to give you suggestions.

[circumsutus]

I'm not going to ask Kid. You're the only other option.

[jumpthegun]

Then you need to figure out a few other options, mate. Throw the names of everyone you can tolerate in a hat and pick three out, if you have to. I'm sure Rhys would love to return the lobotomy favor.

[circumsutus]

I need someone to help me with a medical procedure that will keep me from repeatedly dying a slow and indescribably painful death. I need help Watson. I dont need Rhys ripping my head open and stealing everything i own.

[jumpthegun]

I'm a doctor. I don't go into procedures to kill people.

[Mary's closer to him now, a hand on his shoulder as she nods in silent agreement.]

Is this guaranteed to be 100% fatal? You got that thing into your head without killing yourself.

[This isn't real. Maybe... there's some sort of bizarre dream logic he can work with. Or bizarre anime logic.]

If you had the right assistance, could you get it out without killing yourself?

[circumsutus]

[No. It's going to kill him. In order for this to work, it needs to kill him. But at this point, he doesn't have any other options. He's set himself on this course, and he's not backing out now.]

Possibly. It wasn't designed to be removed but it could be done.

[jumpthegun]

[You're not a brain surgeon, darling, Mary points out, stepping back from him.]

But he is.

[Two massive holes in his head plus in his brain and you think that can be fixed?]

It could be survived.

[John, if this doesn't work out...]

I can help him. He'll be safer when he's not in pain. I can fix him.

[At least in dreams. He can do this in a dream, where it isn't real, where that thing could have been put in his head, in the first place, and death gods and vampires and monsters can exist.]

My condition still stands. Where are you?

[circumsutus]

[That's as good as a promise. Stein doesn't know what he's going to be like on the other side of this surgery, doesn't know how tightly he can hold his own leash without Death here to place the threat of execution on his soul. But he doesn't have a choice anymore. They aren't getting to the end of the spiral quickly enough.]

Hot water house by the school. Clayton's old clinc. Where are you?

[jumpthegun]

[John, you can't fix what he is. Taking a screw out of his head isn't going to fix it.]

Best option we've got. I have to...

[Helping him isn't going to make up for putting Sherlock in hospital. I know that... so you know that. Better idea: Call Sherlock. Talk to him about this.

John ignores Mary's advice for the moment and replies to Stein.]

Police station. The aquarium's probably the best place to meet. Consistent hot water.

[You have nightmares about that aquarium and what HE did to you there.]

It doesn't matter.

[circumsutus]

I'll talk to the Admin.

When can you get there?

What supplies do you have?

[jumpthegun]

[Four sets of handcuffs. One for each of his limbs.

John sighs as Mary frowns and moves farther away from him again.]

Probably by the end of the day. I can wait for you.

I have disinfectant, hand sanitizer, a sewing kit, petroleum jelly, forceps, a scalpel, and some morphine for you to take during the procedure and after.

[Not much. Not nearly enough, really.]

[circumsutus]

I dont know how long it will take to get to you.

I've lost my supplies. I don't have anything medically valuable.

[jumpthegun]

How did you lose them?

[Probably tossed them out, Mary puts in snidely.

Honestly, it's not a bad theory. Stein had been about to do that when John had first met him in-person along with Ecks.]

[circumsutus]

Thrown some out, forgotten some, made poor decisions on what I actually need to bring with me.

I'm out of food. Do you have anything?

[jumpthegun]

[So, close enough on the guess, then. At the question, though, John's mind turns not to his pack, but to his flat. What's in the fridge?]

Only beer.

[Mary is very suddenly directly in front of him.

John, focus. Not home. Here.

The food isn't real here, but John does check his pack. It's a few minutes before he replies.]

Sorry, no. I have food. I don't have any beer.

[Although, he could really do with a drink right now.]

[circumsutus]

Those are two very different things, Watson. Are you feeling all right?

[jumpthegun]

[Call Sherlock.]

I'm not bloody calling him!

[John clutches his head for a moment as Mary goes silent for his raised voice.]

I'm sorry. Mm... He doesn't need to deal with this. He's already put himself through too much for me. I can't let him... he'll offer to do it himself, you know he will.

[Mary stares at him sadly, tears filling her eyes.]

He's dying I can't... This isn't real. It'll work. It's not real.

I'm fine. Sorry. I was having a dream when I woke up.