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[jumpthegun]

1201 Sugar Plum Grove

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[bywolves]

[ Royce makes a face at Alfie, kicking in his direction halfheartedly before sliding off the counter and going to curl up in a chair nearby instead. ]

Put him in the same house for a few days and he gets bossy. [ Royce remarks idly. ]

[jumpthegun]

Lucky you. I don't even have to be in the same house with him for that to happen. [John offers Royce a wry smile and remains where he is.] Nothing wrong with sitting on the counter. God knows he's cleaner than some of the things Sherlock puts on the counters.

[devoutish]

Look at you ganging up on me.

[He pulls at face at Royce, but he's hiding a smile.]

After I cooked for you.

[bywolves]

[ Royce gives John a very small, subtle grin, and glances at Alfie, as well. ]

You can keep cooking for me. [ He rests his folded arms on the back of his chair, resting his head on top of them. ] Thanks for the vote of confidence, John. I do try to keep clean.

[ aka he showers like twice a day because he can, now ]

[jumpthegun]

Haven't cooked for me, yet, mate. Could be absolute poison you're shoveling.

[John raises his hands after just a moment.]

Y'know, on second thought, I'll wait 'til after dinner to insult you, shall I?

[devoutish]

The fucking lack of gratitude from the both of you.

[He drains the pasta over the sink, then starts serving it onto three plates with a generous dollop of sauce on each.]

[bywolves]

[ Royce stifles a chuckle into his arm. ]

Thank you for slaving over a hot stove for fifteen minutes, Solomons, I'm very grateful.

[jumpthegun]

Hail, Solomons the Great, Maker of Pasta. We'd be lost and hungry without you.

[Is that sufficient gratitude, Alfie?]

[devoutish]

[He gestures to Royce.]

I'm gonna stop cooking for him.

[No he won't. He wants to see his ribs disappear because there's too much fat padding them.]

[bywolves]

Liar. [ Royce hums. He knows. ]

[jumpthegun]

You've been here a few days and you already sound like an old married couple. I do hope you know that.

[devoutish]

I made him eat in Norfinbury.

[You know, when the apathy was so bad that he could barely lift his head.]

[bywolves]

Already gave me a ring. [ Which he's wearing on a piece of twine around his neck, at the moment. Dryly: ] I'm waiting for the benefits of marriage to start any time now.

[ He's just pushing along on the jokes, here, because he doesn't want to discuss his apathy problems with John Watson of all people. ]

[jumpthegun]

[The mention of a ring takes John by momentary surprise, and he actually glances toward Alfie uncertainly until Royce continues.]

You might be waiting a long time, mate. Big thing with marriage is the tax breaks when I'm from. Need an economy and tax structure to actually get that.

[He's going to stay away from the sex jokes. Yep.]

[devoutish]

[Royce, you can't just tell people about the ring, god. He's not offended or angry that Royce brought it up (maybe a little embarrassed? maybe), but he does busy himself at the stove for a few seconds, covering up the pot of pasta and the pan of sauce so that they won't cool off too quickly.]

You get food, that's your fucking benefit. Now, come on, get your plates.

[He makes come here hand motions at them.]

[bywolves]

[ It's only John, but Royce senses he maybe embarrassed Alfie a little, and his expression shifts to something more subdued. He'll wait for John to get his first, quiet for now. ]

[jumpthegun]

Lay off, Alfie. It's cute. [John goes to fetch his plate and sit down at whatever table they have to be sitting at.]

[devoutish]

"Lay off". I was joking! He knows I was joking.

[The table is large and wooden, the kind of thing that might be seen in a tavern. Alfie takes his plate to sit next to Royce.]

You're gonna show it to him, yeah? It's one of mine from home.

[He lifts a hand, showing John the rest of the rings that are still on his fingers.]

[bywolves]

[ He does know Alfie was joking!

He grabs his own plate, settling down at the table. He's like, inhaling his food when Alfie speaks, so he has to take a second to be polite and actually show John the ring. It's very firmly attached with twine to a necklace he's got hidden under his shirt. ]

I'm not cute. [ Royce says to John, with a little teasing sort of expression. He's not mad, but he won't let that one pass. ]

[jumpthegun]

[John leans in to have a look at the ring, then leans back and points his fork at Royce.]

You're, like, five foot-two. You're kinda cute by default, mate.

[Then his attention turns to Alfie in mock-indignation.]

And so Fiona gets a piece of jewelry, he gets a piece of jewelry. What am I? Chopped liver?

[devoutish]

[The mention of Fiona has him carefully looking down at his plate as he eats.]

No, no, she was gonna give the bracelet back.

[bywolves]

[ Royce nudges Alfie just a little. Leans, for a second. ]

You're about an inch taller than me, be quiet. [ Royce says, lightly. ] Clearly you need to work harder, John.

[jumpthegun]

[He realizes the mistake or mentioning Fiona a moment too late. Still, he goes with Royce, trying to pick up the less trying part of the conversation.]

Try five inches. At least. And I'm not much for rings or the like. Think I can live without.

[devoutish]

[He leans back a little. Thanks, buddy.]

Three inches. And they are very nice rings.

[bywolves]

[ He gets it. ]

It's fine to be jealous, Watson. [ Royce continues to inhale his food. He's starving, as always, now that the poisoning is wearing off. ]