You've already diid everythiing you could helpiing the Mediiator 2tay aliive. IIf anythiing, II 2hould be the one offeriing to take care of any burden2 you have. He mean2 a lot to me, you know, and thiing2 II make don't compare to hii2 liife.
[If the ideas don't involve experiments and murder, is that a bad thing?
He's also not sure if he wants to talk to John about everything, but, well. It's not like the man can do anything about it.]
II wa2n't paniickiing untiil after II almo2t kiilled 2omeone II care about.
IIt'2 2tupiid anyway2. II ju2t had a bad dream, thought about thiing2 II 2houldn't have been thiinking about, and rememberiing thiing2 II 2hould be over by now, and that wa2 enough to make all the control II've triied to work 2o hard on a joke.
Though at lea2t iit wa2n't liike the la2t tiime that happened and nobody actually diied but he could have
It's not stupid. After all that you've been through, it's understandable.
[John can say that with absolute sincerity given how open Xanthous has been.]
You can't help how your mind wanders sometimes, and sometimes you have setbacks in your recovery. That doesn't make what came before it a joke or worthless. You have a foundation. Don't let that go, okay?
I'm glad it's not happening again. I'm assuming that's because Zephyr took away your powers. I hope you can feel like it won't happen again even if you do get them back after some more work.
-John
[Losing control, lashing out, falling back into bad habits, those are all things that John can empathize with on a personal level, even if his own struggles hadn't produced quite the level of destruction Xanthous' have.]
You don't have to be 2o niice about all of thii2. II fucked up when II can't afford to do that.
[He's not...sure why John is saying all of this. It makes him feel guiltier, somehow, because it's not like he's given John any reason to think...think so highly of him.]
But you're riight, Zephyr took them away. II don't know iif II'll a2k for them back, but you 2aw what II can do fiir2t hand. II'm 2ure you'd agree iit'2 be2t iif II 2tay liike II am now.
Saying I understand why something happened isn't being particularly nice, Xanthous. I just know how trauma and PTSD symptoms can manifest. And I've seen men struggle with it before.
I think it is probably best for you and the people you care about if you live without your powers for right now, though, yes. That doesn't mean you'll never be ready to have them again, but just in the interim. Best of luck.
Under2tandiing ii2 a kiindne22 iin and of iit2elf. Even iif iit'2 not one you thiink 2hould be recogniized, iit'2 not 2omethiing II've encountered very often. You 2houldn't be downplaying my 2iinceriity, you fuck.
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IIT won't happen agaiin. IIt can't, iin the mo2t liiteral 2en2e.
You've already diid everythiing you could helpiing the Mediiator 2tay aliive. IIf anythiing, II 2hould be the one offeriing to take care of any burden2 you have. He mean2 a lot to me, you know, and thiing2 II make don't compare to hii2 liife.
-Xanthou2
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It seems like he feels the same way about you. Could you tell me what happened? Did you just have a sudden panic attack?
-John
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He's also not sure if he wants to talk to John about everything, but, well. It's not like the man can do anything about it.]
II wa2n't paniickiing untiil after II almo2t kiilled 2omeone II care about.
IIt'2 2tupiid anyway2. II ju2t had a bad dream, thought about thiing2 II 2houldn't have been thiinking about, and rememberiing thiing2 II 2hould be over by now, and that wa2 enough to make all the control II've triied to work 2o hard on a joke.
Though at lea2t iit wa2n't liike the la2t tiime that happened and nobody actually diied
but he could haveBut liike II 2aiid, iit'2 not happeniing agaiin.
-Xanthou2
no subject
[John can say that with absolute sincerity given how open Xanthous has been.]
You can't help how your mind wanders sometimes, and sometimes you have setbacks in your recovery. That doesn't make what came before it a joke or worthless. You have a foundation. Don't let that go, okay?
I'm glad it's not happening again. I'm assuming that's because Zephyr took away your powers. I hope you can feel like it won't happen again even if you do get them back after some more work.
-John
[Losing control, lashing out, falling back into bad habits, those are all things that John can empathize with on a personal level, even if his own struggles hadn't produced quite the level of destruction Xanthous' have.]
no subject
[He's not...sure why John is saying all of this. It makes him feel guiltier, somehow, because it's not like he's given John any reason to think...think so highly of him.]
But you're riight, Zephyr took them away. II don't know iif II'll a2k for them back, but you 2aw what II can do fiir2t hand. II'm 2ure you'd agree iit'2 be2t iif II 2tay liike II am now.
-Xanthou2
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I think it is probably best for you and the people you care about if you live without your powers for right now, though, yes. That doesn't mean you'll never be ready to have them again, but just in the interim. Best of luck.
-John
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-Xanthou2
no subject
I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like Alternia really fucking sucked balls.
-John
[Look, if you can't beat them, just be ridiculous back.]