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[jumpthegun]

You've reached Dr. John Watson. Please leave a message.

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cw: suicidal ideation

[jumpthegun]

I've had to watch too many of my friends kill themselves, Rhys. It hurts. Any time it happens it hurts. And maybe it's not fair to blame you, but I can't-

I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

cw: suicidal ideation

[headjacked]

So it’s... just hard to stay close when you know you could be caught up in another crazy death cyclone?

But. You still wanna be our doctor.

[ Which, as far as he can see, sticks John squarely in the potential death door of many. ]

I don’t think detaching is gonna work for you, John. Not here, not when you already care and push yourself so hard for everyone.

cw: suicidal ideation

[jumpthegun]

[That's a rather apt assessment of John's feelings on the matter. It's also not particularly what he wants to hear.]

A good doctor and soldier knows how to separate out emotion when there's a job to do.

Re: cw: suicidal ideation

[headjacked]

A good friend knows when his doctor-soldier pal is struggling his way into self-destruction. Especially when he basically straight-up said it a second ago.

[ He knows a little something about self-destruction. ]

You're not a machine, dude. But you just might break down like one.

cw: suicidal ideation

[jumpthegun]

[This is the problem with becoming friends with your patients, honestly.]

I dunno what to do, Rhys. I don't feel like I can trust you or Beckett right now. I'm not sure what it'll take to change that.

cw: suicidal ideation

[headjacked]

I'm not about to throw my life away again, and even if I was apparently you'd be there, turning off your emotions and just. Dealing. Because whatever, right?

Whatever.

cw: suicidal ideation

[jumpthegun]

[There's a quiet sigh of frustration on John's side. He's already bent so far in so many ways, compromised his moral principles to defend people like Alfie or Royce or Bucky. He's tried to maintain his ethics with regard to medicine, at least.]

That's not what I'm saying, Rhys. It's not... your life matters to me. It's not 'whatever.'