IC Inbox (v1.0)

[jumpthegun]

You've reached Dr. John Watson. Please leave a message.

Comments

[jumpthegun]

[There's a delay in John's response.]

If I can't break through to the real you, yes. I'll do what needs doing. Any advice? You're kind of a bloody beast.

[As John discovered.]

[advanced]

[If this was any other circumstance he might have laughed at being called a bloody beast, but now really isn't the time.]

No. You don't try to break through to the 'real me'. If he triggers me, there is no real me, do you understand? If you don't kill me immediately, I will kill you.

[jumpthegun]

How did you break out of your mind-control the first time, Bucky?

[advanced]

Steve.

We fought several times, I nearly killed him. The last time we fought, I would have killed him if it weren't for the serum. I don't even know why I pulled him from the river after, I still didn't know who he was.

I still don't have all my memories, I still aren't fully Bucky Barnes.

If you try to get through to the Soldier after he's just been triggered, you will die. He's not me. They wiped everything out of me. I won't know my own name, I won't know you, I won't know anything except the mission. I won't care, I won't have an opinion on my orders, I won't have a sense of right and wrong to appeal to. There is nothing, do you understand? That's what the Soldier is, he's a weapon to be deployed.

[jumpthegun]

[What John is hearing is that the programming can be broken to some extent.]

Bucky, I've told you I won't lie to you.

I will make one attempt to reach you, then I will attempt to forcefully subdue you in a way that might very well kill you, and then I'll kill you if I haven't already or that doesn't work. I can't promise to kill you immediately. You're too important to me for that.

But I'll contact Nat first, so that she can do what I couldn't if it ends up going poorly.

[It's the best compromise he can offer.]

[advanced]

[He's angry now. Didn't John listen to what he said? Why would he still make an attempt to reach him, why would he only subdue him? Those are the paths that will lead to his blood on Bucky's hands.

It's an anger born from fear.]

Then stay away if it happens.

[If he can't trust him to do what needs to be done, then he needs to keep away.]

You're my best friend here, John, and I love you like a brother. But you're not Steve. You won't break the Soldier.

[jumpthegun]

[There are a great many emotions that reply inspires. But there's warmth predominating. He hasn't felt this way about someone since Sherlock. Alfie's come close, but they're not quite to that point, yet. Plus, for all of his social ineptitude, Bucky's just a nicer person than either of them.

Which probably says something about John's circle of close friends.]

I'll stay away if I can. If someone else is in the Soldier's path and I'm there, I won't run without trying to save them, though.

[advanced]

[It's going to have to be enough. He hopes, God he hopes so much, that these precautions will never be needed.]

I wouldn't expect you to.

Call me when you speak to him again.

[jumpthegun]

I will. Stay safe and stay warm, mate. And good luck, Bucky. Get some sleep, if you can.